Ethan's Acceptance Speech for the Stupendous Animal Costume Design Oscar:
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so coked-up! And this statue - it's so Yul Brenner! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have made daddy promise that this could ever be so meaningless. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your fake smiles makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was not the father, I just had to take an epidural and obsess about how unaesthetic my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap
You know, there are so many ass-kissing Napoleon Complex-suffering studio execs to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the self-congratulatory circle jerks of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Gilgamesh, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!
http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/oscar/index.asp
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